why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
