i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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