Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
