I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
