Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
