I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
should my penis look like a turkey
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
