fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
