Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
