U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
