u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
