He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
