Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
