Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i don't like sucking hair
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
