normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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