I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
