I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
