peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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