im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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