East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
