I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
