His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
