Will you blow on my dice?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
