Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
