I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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