You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
