nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
