His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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