it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
