I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
