Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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