Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
one might say we're banned from that church
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
