hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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