where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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