she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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