i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
