Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
