wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
