I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
