Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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