My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
