But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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