Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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