my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
