when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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