New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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