This girl is more easily done than said...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
