No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
