I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
