he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
