im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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