Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's blow job season.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Still dying that you shit outside
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
