all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Life without a bra equals bliss.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
