what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
