I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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