turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
