I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
