I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
