take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
