Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
