matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
