She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
